Secrets
I am not a bad person. I have told only a few lies in my life usually lies to save the hurt from other people. I live life honestly which means that sometimes I have to do without some of the things I desire. I love my husband and I don’t regret marrying him but he can’t satisfy me. He doesn’t even care to try so why should I feel bad that I had to go elsewhere to find a lover. I think all of this to myself as I am sitting in my car in front of the motel. I am trying to decide if I should go in or go home. I want so badly to go in and see him one last time, to feel him one last time. I am trying to justify my actions to myself so that I won’t have to feel so guilty. It isn’t about love, that much I know, it is about lust, pure and simple. I hardly even know this man that I have been fucking for the last month. I met him about a month ago while I was out running some errands.
I was in the supermarket doing the monthly shopping and I accidentally ran into a man while I was reading the back of a can of soup. Literally ran into him with my carriage. I was so embarrassed. After I made sure he was all right and after I proclaimed a thousand apologizes I went on with my shopping. When I left the store about an hour later it was pouring rain out. I ran to my car and put the groceries in the car as fast as I could. I got in behind the wheel of my car and turned the key to a dead car. “Shit!” I yelled to an empty car. I got out of the car again and lifted up the hood as if I knew what I was doing under there. I looked around for anything that looked broken but I didn’t even know what I was looking at. I knew how to fill the window wiper fluid and that was sadly it.
I was about to slam the hood of the car back down when I heard a man call out to me, “Ms., is there anything I can help you with?” It was the man I had run over in the grocery store. I explained my problem to him and he went in to take a look. While he was looking at the car I went back inside so that I could call my husband on the cell phone. I dialed the number for his work and I got his secretary Lisa. “Hi Lisa, it’s Jill can you please get Scott for me?” I asked her.
Lisa put me on hold for a second while she got my husband on the phone. “Hi honey what’s up?” my husband asked. I told him the situation with the car and I told him I had a man taking a look at it for me. He asked if I needed him to come and pick me up but I said no for now. I was still hoping that this man would be able to fix it. I said good bye to my husband and hung up. I got out of the car again and went to the front of the car to see it he had found anything. I listened to the possible reasons he listed off to me as to why this could be happening. I noticed his face for the first time, before when I ran him over I saw him but I was so upset with what I had done to him I really didn’t pay attention to his face. He had jet black hair, now incredibly soaked with the rain storm we were having, and light green eyes.
I couldn’t help but notice his lips too. They were very full and a very healthy shade of pink. He had a small, nicely shaped goatee on his chin and a trimmed mustache above his top lip. I felt my cheeks blushing and my body tingling just standing there with him talking about my car. I laughed a little bit louder than usual at his small attempts of humor. I felt like a jerk standing in the pouring ran with this man I didn’t even know laughing at his stupid joke that wasn’t even funny and the whole time feeling this wonderful wave of excitement just for being next to him. I called AAA and thanked the man for his help. I started to walk away to go back inside the store to wait for the tow truck. He came after me and offered to buy me a coffee while I waited. I gladly accepted so I would have a chance to spend more time with this handsome stranger.
When I went home that night I found myself laying in bed thinking about him again. Scott rolled over and started to rub my crotch gently over my underwear. I closed my eyes and imagined it was this man for whom I don’t even know his name. I moaned softly and pushed his hand harder into me to create more pressure. I felt his lips touch mine and I met his kiss with my own hungry kiss. I pushed him over on the bed and I sat up to straddle him. I reached down and tore off his t shirt. He looked at me with surprise and excitement. I tore off my own top and threw it on the floor. I sat there straddling his chest topless. I started rubbing my own breasts. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander while I touched myself letting my husband watch me. I massaged my nipples until they were hard and then I pulled on them roughly. I could feel the crotch of my underwear getting wet. I ground gently into my husbands groin letting him feel my wetness through the thin cloth of his boxers. He grabbed hold of my arms and pushed me down on the bed. He pulled off my underwear and spread my legs. He pulled his boxers down to his knees. He entered me quickly and finished just as quickly. He rolled off of me and lay there breathless. “Wow that was incredible, you are so hot.” he said to me between breaths. I just rolled over on my side of the bed and curled up under the covers. I tried to bring myself to think about my mystery lover instead of the disappointment sleeping next to me.
The next morning I stopped to get a cup of coffee before I headed to work. I stopped at this little coffee shop a couple of blocks away. I ordered a cup of black coffee and a bagel sandwich with bacon and egg. I sat there and read the newspaper while I waited for my order. I felt a hand touch my shoulder making me jump slightly. I looked up and my heart nearly fell out of my mouth, it was the man I went to sleep dreaming about last night. I smiled and said hi. He sat down next to me and we talked for a few minutes. My order was ready so I paid and started to leave the restaurant. I turned to him and said goodbye.
As I walked out the restaurant I could feel my own excitement radiating off of me. I turned back to him and I asked him to walk me to my car. He did without hesitation. We got outside and I said to him “I am going to be honest with you, I am married and I love my husband but I am incredibly attracted to you.” He looked at me for a minute and then kissed me on the lip very gently sliding his tongue between my lips letting it slide over my tongue. He pulled away. “I want you too.” he said to me. I took out my cell phone and I called work. I told them I wouldn’t be in today something came up. I told him to get in his car and drive to a place where we can be together. We pulled out of the parking lot with him being the leader. In my car driving to a place to make love to a stranger was the thought I tried to keep out of my mind instead trying to focus on his touch. After a few miles he pulled into this small motel and parked in front of the managers office. I parked a few rows down and watched for him to come out.
I sat there glad for the time to try and pull myself together. I was so nervous and yet still so turned on. I followed him to the room. As soon as the door shut we were on each other like animals ripping and tearing each others clothes off. Heavy breathing could be heard through passionate, hungry kisses. He pushed me down on the bed and entered me. I was so excited for him that I needed no foreplay to orgasm this time, I just needed him inside of me. He reached down and grabbed a hold of my nipples. He pumped faster and squeezed hard on my nipples as he came inside of me. I cried out in pain and excitement as I also reached orgasm. He pulled out of me and laid down next to me on the bed. I lay there breathless and amazed. I start to get up off the bed and he grabs hold of my wrist. “Where are you going?” he asks. I look down at him and tell him I should go. I start walking around the room collecting my clothes. Inside I feel this horrible guilt creeping up.
He gets off of the bed and comes to me. He lifts my chin up with his hand so he can look into my eyes, “Tell me what’s wrong.” he says. As I am starting to get dressed I tell him that I am married and that I just committed adultery so of course I feel incredibly guilty about having to go home and lie to my husband about my day. He asks me why I wanted this to happen in the first place if I was only going to regret it in the end. I had no answer for him. All I knew is that I was still very turned on by this man that I didn’t even know. “I think you needed to feel loved and appreciated. I think you needed to feel sexy.” he leans over and kisses my lips,
“I think you are sexy and beautiful. You shouldn’t feel guilty about having to fulfill a need that your husband can’t fill for you.” He kisses me again on the lips deeper this time sliding is tongue in to my mouth. He kisses me slowly exploring my mouth with his tongue, sliding his hands over my body. I feel my body come alive again. I don’t want to leave this room. I don’t want to leave this feeling. I surrender to it letting him have complete control of me. I let him slowly remove my clothes from my body again. I melt with every kiss and every caress on the most sensitive places on my body. I arch my chest up to his lips wanting him to kiss my nipples. He takes hold of my breast gently with his hand and licks around the nipple several times, at first he goes very slowly and increases speed with every turn around. Then when my nipple is very hard he takes it in his mouth like a piece of candy sucking it slow and steady. With his other hand he is massaging my other breast, flicking the nipple with his thumb. He lets go of my nipple and goes to my neck. He kisses very soft kisses along the base of my neck letting his tongue trail along with every touch of his lips.
He walks me over to the front of the bed and stands me in front of the mirror. He kisses all a round my neck until he is standing behind me. I watch him in the mirror as he kisses my neck and massages my breasts. I got more turned on than I ever imagined watching him touch my body. I watch as his hand slides down my body and between my legs. I spread my legs wider for him propping one leg up on the end of the bed giving him wider access. I lean back to kiss him on the lips as he runs his hand through my bush. My tongue enters his mouth as he slide three fingers into me. I gasp in pleasure as he begins fucking me with his fingers. I let my body rock with the motion as I watch his fingers slide into the hair and between the lips of my pussy. I grab my own nipples rolling them between my fingertips. He follows his kisses all the way down my back, running a tongue along my ass crack and to the bottom of my butt cheeks. He crawls around to the front of me and has me sit down on the bed. He kisses me on the lips again sliding his tongue over my bottom lip and nipping at my lips with his teeth.
Smiling at me as he asks me to lay back on the bed. I do as he asks and he guides me by lifting up my legs to the end of the mattress and spreading my legs open in front of him. He spreads my pussy lips open with his fingers and I feel a shot of hot electricity as he tongue touches my clit.. He lets his tongue do a little exploring before settling on my clit flicking it and sucking on it gently. I had never felt a sensation so intense before. I didn’t know how to handle the emotions inside of me. My hips started to buck up to meet his tongue. I reached down and ran my hands through his hair pushing his face down harder into my crotch. He sucked harder on my clit and slammed four fingers into my dripping hot pussy. I felt something inside of me explode and I felt dizzy, lightheaded all at the same time. I was making a sound that almost sounded like I was singing. He kept sucking on my clit long after the singing stopped. He stopped suddenly and came up to me on the bed, he brushed away the sweaty hair clung to my forehead and kissed me.
I tasted myself on his breath and I pull him hard to me. I kiss him deeply. I licked his lips with my tongue tasting myself all over his face. We kept kissing each other. I wrapped my legs around his waist and reached down between us. I wrapped my hand around his hard cock and guided it inside of me. He sat up and lifted my legs up so that my ankles were around his neck. He stated slamming into me hard and fast. I moved my hips to the rhythm of his fucking as we met he slammed into me harder.
He grabbed a hold of my hips and kept pounding into me. I had never been fucked with such intensity. He came hard inside of me but still kept up his rhythm until I came. We separated on the bed both tired and sweaty but satisfied. After a few minutes we got up off the bed. We didn’t say a word as we went through the room collecting our clothes. Once we were dressed I went to him and kissed him on the lips. He grabbed a hold of me and hugged me for a minute. He walked out together and he gave me his cell phone number. “Call me whenever you want me, no strings attached.” He kissed me on the cheek and walked to his car. I walked to my car and got inside. I sat there for a minute and then I opened my purse to find a hiding place for his number. Just before I put his number away in its spot I looked at it and realized for the first time since meeting this mystery man that I didn’t even know his name until this moment. On the piece of paper it said Paul and his number. I put it away and then I drove home.
Once I got home I immediately jumped into the shower so I could wash all of my days activities away. I got out of the shower I went into the bedroom to get clothes. I jumped with surprise when I saw Scott sitting on the bed waiting for me. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me! What are you doing home so early?” I ask him. He gets up from the bed and walks towards me. “I called you a work today to see if you wanted to have lunch with me but they told me you weren’t in . They told me you called out sick today.”
He kept walking towards me until we were backed up against the wall. I tried to keep my cool while thinking of an explanation, “I decided on my way to work to take the day off so I just hung out and did some shopping.” I said looking him straight in the eye. “That’s what I figured, but I wish you had called me because I was worried about you when I heard you called out sick.” he said to me looking back at me and I saw a look creep into his eyes that made my heart hurt, I saw concern and I saw love. “I tried to call you a few times today and you didn’t answer. I was getting worried so I came home early.” he explained to me. I reached for him and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and returned the hug squeezing alittle tighter than needed.
My eyes welled up with tears that he thought were love for him but inside I felt guiltier than ever. Instead of confessing my sins I went to him and took him in my arms again. We held each other for a long time. Finally after several minutes he pulled away from me and told me to get dressed. He told me to wear something really nice because he was taking me out to dinner someplace fancy tonight. I smiled and kissed him on the lips. He sat down on the bed while I went into the closet to find something to wear. He watched me closely as I got dressed. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and asked him why he was watching me? His reply was because he liked looking at my body and he liked watching me move. I looked down at his crotch and saw a pitched tent. He reached down and unzipped his pants “How about you suck me off before dinner?” He asked me with a pleading look on his face. I walked over to him and got down on my knees in front of him.
Right now I was feeling so guilty that I think he could of had pretty much anything he asked for. I took him in my mouth and sucked the same way he fucked me, hard and fast. He came quickly. I swallowed with a grimace, got up and went into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and rinsed with mouthwash. When I came out of the bathroom he was on his way out of the bedroom. He looked back at me and told me he would be waiting downstairs. I finished getting dressed deciding to put on my sexy black velvet dress and black heels. I redid my make up and hair. I went downstairs and Scott was just hanging up the phone. I asked him who he was talking to and he told me just the restaurant making reservations. I watched his face and I could always tell when my husband lied to me, this was one of those time. I let it go though and smiled as I walked towards the door. We went out that night and had a good time together. When we got home I was slightly buzzed from the wine. I let Scott take me to bed where we made love and I for the first time in a long time had an orgasm with him. I fell asleep in his arms and dreamt about Paul the whole night.
In the morning when I woke up Scott was already gone. I looked over at the alarm clock and saw that it was still really early. I got up and started getting ready for work. I called Scott on the cell phone to see where he was and it turned out he had an early morning meeting he was getting ready for. We bid our love for each other and hung up. I then called the other cell phone number I had been dying to call since yesterday afternoon, but I got a voice mail. I hung up without leaving a message. While I was driving to work my cell phone rang. I picked it up and looked at the number on the screen and my heart leaped up in my throat as I saw it was Paul’s cell phone number. I pressed the answer button and said hello. “Hey beautiful, how are you this morning?” the voice on the other end of the phone asked. I couldn’t help smiling like a fool “I feel great actually better than I have felt in a long time. You?’ I replied back. “I feel great too but I have this one problem..” he said, “I miss you very much.”
All I could manage to do was giggle like a teenaged girl. I felt like an idiot, but I couldn’t help it. “Meet me.” he said. I couldn’t meet him now I thought today I have to go to work. “No I can’t right now even though I really want to but I have to go to work today.” I said with great disappointment. Then I had an idea ” I have lunch from noon to 1:30pm today and there is a motel right down the street.” He loved that idea. So it was set and that is how it continues today. I look forward to coming here everyday. I love that we don’t know hardly anything about each other. I love the way he touches me and I definitely love having 2 or 3 orgasms every day before I go back to work but things have changed in the last few hours this day. I haven’t been feeling well so just on a chance I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Now the dilemma I am facing is whose is it? I never thought that would be a question I would need to ask myself.
Obviously I will tell my husband it is his because even though I like the non relationship Paul and I have I don’t love him, I lust him. So I sit here in my car deciding if I should even go in and feel what it is like to be a sexy satisfied woman one more time or just drive away and forget about him. As I am sitting there thinking of what to do there is a knock on the car window I look up startled to see Paul standing there looking at me. I roll down the window and tell him that I can’t stay today something has come up. “I’ll call you on your cell later.” I say to him as I start up my car. I drive out of the parking lot leaving him standing there watching me. As I am driving down the road my cell rings. I answer it and it is Paul. “I know something is wrong.” he said “I don’t pretend to know what it is but if you want to tell me I am listening.” I thank him but tell him that I am fine just that something came up today. “Ok well since that is the case there is something I want to talk to you about” he says to me his voice sounding lighter and happier now.
I listen to him speak with growing dread. “I just was thinking about you while I was waiting for you, well actually I think about you all the time.” he confesses “Well anyway I don’t know how you feel about me but I have fallen in love with over these past few weeks. That is why ….” I didn’t let him finish as I hung up the phone. I shut it off and throw it in the backseat. I wipe the tears from my cheeks as I drove home. I pull in my driveway a few minutes later and turn off the car. I sat there for a longtime crying. I cried because of the way I have disrespected my husband, I cried because in a different life I would of gladly accepted Paul’s love for me and I cried because I was pregnant with a child whose father I didn’t know. When at last I had no more tears left in me I pulled myself out of the car and went into the house.
A few minutes later Scott pulled into the driveway and I prepared myself for the news I was about to tell him. He came in the door and I waited for him to come into the kitchen. He walked in and saw me sitting at the table waiting for him. I said hi to him and asked him to come sit at the table with me. He did as I asked looking at me with questioning eyes.. He sits down and I take his hands in mine, look up at him and say “Honey I am pregnant.” I am waiting for him to be happy and hug me but instead he pulls away from me. I feel scared, his eyes are stranger than I have ever seen them. ” I have something to tell you too” he said quietly. He got up and went to his briefcase and pulled out a large envelope. He brought it over to the table and handed it to me. I opened it up and pulled out a doctors form. I began reading it and my heart nearly stopped as I read that my husband was infertile. I looked up at him shocked and speechless. “Look at the rest of the envelope” he said. I pulled out the rest of the papers and saw they were pictures. I scanned the pictures and threw them down on the table. A copy of a check fell out of the pile of pictures. I picked it up and saw that it was for one thousand dollars written out to a Paul Mcneil. I got up quickly and went to the sink. I wanted to throw up. My mind was spinning was to what I should say to my husband now. He came up behind me and started talking to me, “I found out I was infertile a month ago. I was devastated because I knew how much you wanted kids, how much we both want kids. I didn’t want to tell you, I was so ashamed. Then one day I was thinking and came up with an idea. We were in the park and I noticed how other men looked at you. I hired a man that I felt had promising qualities that I would like in our child. I hired him to seduce you and impregnate you. I didn’t think it was going to be as easy as it was but…” I no longer heard what he was saying. I looked up at him in total shock, my body had gone cold “You are lying.” I said in choked sobs that were threatening to take over.
“No honey, I swear to you I hired a man to fuck you and get you pregnant. I wanted to pass it off as my own child and never tell you but just now when you told me I suddenly hated you. I know that sounds crazy since I set you up but I guess I was hoping you wouldn’t fall for it.” I slapped him across the face hard as I could. Shock ran across his eyes. He grabbed my wrist and twisted it behind my back. “You want to be a fucking slut? You want to fuck every man that walks by you? I watched you with this man. I watched him fuck you every time.” he was yelling at me as he was pulling me up towards the stairs. I was trying to fight him but he grabbed a hold of my hair as he twisted my arm tighter causing me pain. I walked up the stairs listening to him yell at me. “You are such a fucking bitch. You fuck some other guy and have the balls to come home to me and lie in my face.
I really thought I could handle it but I think what killed it was you liked it to damn much!” He pushed me into the room. He pushed me away from him and ordered me to strip. I was crying really hard and I shook my head no. He slapped me across the face and yelled again for me to strip. “Take your fucking clothes off you nasty filthy fucking whore.” he screamed. I quickly took off my clothes and dropped them in a pile on the floor. I tried to cover myself up with my hands. He walked over to me and told me to shut the fuck up. I tried so hard to stop crying but I couldn’t. He slapped me again, hard making me spin around in a half circle. “Get on the bed.” he ordered in an angry voice. I got on the bed and laid down as he instructed me to. I had never seen him like this and I was scared of what else he might do. I laid on my back with hands and feet spread out. He quickly tied me very tightly to all four corners of the bed posts. I cried in pain of the ropes cutting into my skin and I cried in fear of my husband. I begged him to please let me go. He put a gag around my lips to prevent me from speaking anymore. I laid there on my very own bed defenseless. He walked in circles around the bed looking at me like a hungry wolf.
He reached down and grabbed a hold of my nipple and gave it a hard twist. My eyes widened in pain and tears continued to leak from my eyes. He started talking to me again. “You hurt me so I am going to give you alittle pay back. I know that part of this is my fault, I know that but I wasn’t thinking straight. I never imagined you would enjoy it so much. I know I am a bad lover. I know that….”he started getting hysterical and trailing off in his thoughts. He continued ranting and circling me as he removed his clothes. When he was finally naked he stopped circling me and stood right in front of me. He grabbed a hold of his cock and started stroking it. He laughed “I am going to show you the kind of lover I can be and you will be apologizing to me for the rest of your fucking life you stupid bitch.” He went to the end of the bed and untied my legs. He bent my legs up and he slapped a hand down against my pussy lips. He slapped hard and the pain of the slap rippled through my body. Craziness must have taken over because I was tied to a bed, gagged and threatened by my own husband but my pussy was soaking wet. He felt the wetness and laughed out loud. He slapped my pussy again and pinched the lips hard with his fingertips. “You fucking sick whore. You are fucking turned on by this?” he said without expecting a reply.
He lifted my legs up high and I could feel his cock pushing against my ass cheeks. With one of his hands he opened my cheeks and rammed his cock hard into my ass. I felt pain and cried out behind my gag. He laughed at me and started fucking my ass. “Does this turn you on bitch?” My eyes welled up with tears in the pain he was causing me but as he kept fucking I tried to relax as much as I could so my ass would open up for him. I felt myself open up wider and the pain stopped almost entirely. He was inside me grunting like an animal. He reached up and grabbed my tits again and squeezed both of them, pulling on them as he fucked me. The pain was extraordinary but something about it felt good too. He pulled his cock out of my ass suddenly and pushed it into my pussy. He fucked me hard slamming into my body. I looked up at him while he was inside of me, his eyes were closed and I heard him moaning softly. He grabbed my hips and squeezed the skin with his fists.
He squeezed tighter and tighter until I thought I was going to pass out. Finally I felt his body shudder and his grip released. He got off the bed and went around the bed and untied me. He grabbed me by the hair and lifted me off of the bed. He dragged me over to the closet. He reached in the closet and pulled out his black leather belt. I still had my gag on so I couldn’t scream but the fear of the pain I was about to feel terrified me. He pulled me over to the edge of the bed and pushed me down. He told me to get on my knees. I moved to slowly for him because he slapped the back of my leg with the belt. I moved quickly to get into position. I felt the first hard slap of leather against my skin and threw up. I had to pull my gag off with my hand or I would have choked on it. I heard dead silence behind me which was scarier than the laughing. Slap after slap of the leather belt against my ass with no sound coming out of him at all. I tried not to cry because I didn’t want to provoke him but finally when the pain became too much I started sobbing. No words were said by him as he pulled me up off of the bed and brought me into the bathroom.
He started a bath and lifted me into it. The warm water against my bruises stung badly and made me cry out. I couldn’t look at him as he sat next to the bathtub and washed me. When he was done he helped me out of the shower and dried me off. A trickle of blood ran down my leg and I didn’t know if it was from the anal fuck or the whipping I got. When I was free to go I walked away from him and went back into the bedroom. I wasn’t sure what had just happened. I don’t know if what my husband just did to me was rape or not. I felt dirty with the thought of it. I got a nightgown on and climbed into bed even though it was only 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I cried myself to sleep that afternoon. When I woke up later in the night he was sleeping next to me snoring softly. We never spoke of that day again.
We are still together and have a son who is 2yrs old. I never saw Paul again but I see small resemblances of him in my son. Since that one horrible day Scott and I have gone to counseling and grown much closer. I have never seen anymore evidence of that violence and insanity that I saw that day in my husband. We are also involved in sex therapy and our sex life has improved greatly. He has become the lover that I have been looking for all along.